Well obviously there is more man things that have popped up (pardon the pun) that need exposure. So I ask you all out there why is it mostly about men? I mean the slang jargon and terminology we use everyday. Here are some more examples that you all might not be aware of.

“Manual” labor. “Great Scott!”  Isn’t that something Clark Kent used to say all the time when in precarious situations? Actually there is a “Clark” bar candy bar. Why not, perhaps a Cindy bar? I have known two Cindy’s that are edible, but again, this is about the men, especially in this case, Clark. Here’s one to try on for size: “Mail man.” Shouldn’t it be “Male” man? Or “female” man? Nooo…it has to be about the male gender again, and this has to be a conspiracy against the male population.

Here’s one that might ring a bell: “Don’s” Guns.  It wouldn’t be the same if it were Jennifer’s guns would it?  How about “Pop” Guns? Why not “Mom’s Guns? Damnit! Quit picking on us guys. We’re innocent I say. I’m sure you’ve all heard or said the expression “Something just Dawned on me.” Oh wow!!! A chick phrase. Woohoo! Another one is “Mandatory”, again referring to a man. Man…when will it stop? When I quit drinking this spiked Root beer.

Have you all  been to McDonalds? Of course you have. Then you all have heard of Big “Macs”, again, another guy name, Mac. And for sure Burger “King”… It’s all about a man. Ice Cream “Man”… How about Ice Cream girl? Nope… Ain’t happening. This beats all right here; you walk into a grocery store or a food mart and go through the aisles. There we have, once again, a Guy name: “Busch’s” baked beans. No it can’t be Susie’s baked beans could it?. There is “Busch” Gardens in Florida and we even use the expression “I’m Bushed”.  By “George” do you have to have your name mark or hand in everything?  But wait, hold on to that cold beverage because I am on a roll and I’m not giving up yet.  I have more.

We also have “Uncle Ben’s” wild ass rice on the shelves. Personally, I like the idea of  “Bill Hustle’s Wild Ass Rice” but he was busy Hustling the slut machines in Vegas at time he received the memo about a name mark. He’s a busy man. Why in the “Sam” hell can it not be Aunt Susie’s or Uncle Scott’s wild rice? Where have you been, “Ben?” Oh…I know you have been with your real Aunt-”Aunt Jamima” Syrup. See I try to show some love to the female gender as well.  What did the beach name it’s daughter? “Sandy” of course.  See ladies, you’re in the mix…I got your back .That’s what my chiropractor said to me by the way. My proctologist had his. Oops, I’m straying away. Now enter “Terry” or “Terri” cloth. You see this is universal, depending on your sexual preference either can be used. Man, I’m really having fun with this or is it just what’s in this glass that I am indulging in? The next one will tell.

Speaking of Women’s names, here’s some more play on words you will only find here on Comedy Central from the Hustle Chronicles (because we have way to much time on our hands): “Crystal” Flash, “Crystal” Meth. But that’s illegal, isn’t it? How about “Crystal  clear? Or just plain “Crystals? Ok “Crystal, it’s your time to shine. Come out of your office and take a bow, then return it. It’s nice to be thought of isn’t it girl? See I mentioned a “girl”. That just “Dawned” on me-at dusk. Let’s not forget about “Wendy’s” burger joint  or “Dairy Queen”, but this is a Manly thing so back to the dudes…We have “Don’s” Guns and “Pop” Guns. Ladies where is “Mom’s Guns?” Is that not “mandatory?” Guys always say “Jack” —. Well it just would not sound right if it were “Jill” off would it? I put the word ‘off’ in this one because I know where you hustlers go with “Jack” preceding it but felt safe with Jill leading it ‘off ‘, and I try not to say Jack off, or go on an airplane and see a friend and say “Hi Jack.” That would go over about as well as a lead balloon, a skydiver without a chute, or a fart in a space suit, and never go into a long bank line and ask the teller “what’s the holdup?”

Did you ever hustle down the street chasing down the “Ice Cream Man” when you were a kid? It couldn’t be the ice cream woman or ice cream of the crop. Did you ever have a craving for a Big “Mac?” Not a big “Mama.” Well that’s your business but if I were you (thank “God” I’m not), I wouldn’t kiss and tell, “William.”  Get it? “William” Tell. Not “Michelle” Tell. That would be too easy, how about Burger “King?” Only guys can be Kings because that’s how we roll. No brag, just fact. Remember “Robin Hood” and his sister ”Little Red Riding Hood?” See, a brother and sister duo just like “Batman” and again, “Robin.” A universal name spelled the same in-case a sex change is ever in order. I’ll leave all that to your imagination. No wonder they call him the “Boy Wonder.” Wow! This just keeps getting better or worse depending on how many drinks you’ve had so far. Me? I lost count after the last Pee or Pea test I’m still studying for. I’m shooting for BA in it. I think Dracula lost count too. That doesn’t even fit in but I managed to squeeze it in anyway because I am “Able”, another phrase about a guy. Was that “Cain” and Able?” What was Cain able to do? I’ve had too much “Jack” and coke. Open up your Bible. Why not Jane and coke? Nope! It is again about us men. It could have been John and coke because John Bulushi was affiliated with coke.

See if John said no to coke and yes to Pepsi, he might still “be.bee or bea” with us today, and why “Bob Evans?” Why don’t we use “Stacy Evans?” Well since Bob is now ‘under’ the farm instead of on it, he is not here to sort threw all this. Society even named a male after a bug, “Beetle Bailey.” Why not Beetle Christine or “Beetle Juice” after the movie? Male names just go better with things just like a hooker and a cell phone. There’s a nice visual for all you hustlers abroad. I’ll take $20.00 worth please and a receipt for my taxes.

Did I not mention “Jane Doe” or her homeless “I don’t want to work because I want to collect Welfare and hold up a sign saying why lie, it’s for beer” brother “John or Jon” Doe or ever how it’s spelled because the last names can be changed to “Dough?” How about “Bob the Builder?” It’s not Samantha the builder.

Wait a minute, OMG…I forgot about “Jim Beam.” They could have used “Becky Beam” but opted for a guys name instead. How cute. Remember the cartoon “Tom and Jerry?” It could have gone both ways with “Jerri” being a female. After all there is “Ben and Jerry’s.” Same goes with that too.  Well it’s time for this segment to come to a close until the next time. So I’ll see (not “Sea” because that would be a Ocean front view) you later “Wally” Gator. Why not “June” Gator?  Why not “Wally” Mart? That’s a crock and I’m not talking shoes either.

This is Hustlin’ Bob Higgins and I’ll see you around like a doughnut burger, and remember what I always say:  One good turn—takes most of the covers.