A Football Fandom

As football season approaches I start to get excited like a little kid at Christmas. There are many similarities between Christmas and football season, but I won’t get into all that, and leave the comparing of the two for another hustler (he can go on and on). One thing comes to my mind this football season, and that is “my fandom.” I love the Indianapolis Colts, and in 2006 my fandom helped them win a Superbowl. If I would have put more effort into my fandom last year, Tracy Porter would not have picked Peyton off, essentially winning the game. I played a game of Madden that day as the Colts against a weaker opponent. They were the Saints and also the victor.  I am responsible for that onside kick in the second half causing the game to go in the wrong direction, I sent an omen upon my team, and I am sorry!

Fandom is very powerful; it is like the force in Star Wars, or the art of hustling. It can help your team win the Superbowl, or cause them to have a winless season. I don’t care if I hate your team (Patriots), I can respect your fandom. I think employers should look for fandom as a quality in job interviews, it shows loyalty. Snl made a skit about it, there have been many movies about it, and it is a special ability that helps the team. It is mystical.

The year was 1990 vanilla ice, and Sinead O’Conner were rocking the charts, I was setting up booby traps just like Kevin Mcallister in Home Alone, and my favorite baseball team the Cincinnati Reds were in the World Series. I was a ten year old kid having fun and Hammer dancing.  I loved this team so much, and I could tell you everything about them even what kind of goggles (Rec specs) Chris Sabo wore. I watched every game, I wore my Reds sweat bands all season, I had a Reds Trapper Keeper, I put red rubber bands in my braces (watch out ladies), and I tried to convince my mom to let me write Reds in my hair! I guess she thought my tail and stair steps were enough sexy for the time being (once again watch out ladies I’m bringing sexy back).

Lion O and the other Thundercats didn’t kick Mummra’s ass, my Barry Larkin and Eric Davis starting lineups did. During the Series I only drank red Kool Aid. The Reds hustled their way to a championship even though they were the underdogs, they did it for one of the godfathers of hustle…Charlie Hustle and they did it for me Hurley Hustles. This was the first time I realized my gift…I could will a team to win, I discovered fandom.

As time went on, stuff happened and I forgot about my gift, and then on a chilly night in October it happened…again. This time I was in college watching the Colts, and in this particular game they were down a lot heading into the fourth quarter. It was a Monday night game against the Tampa Bay Bucs.  There was no way possible to win this game. My little brother and I decided to take Jäger Bombs to spark a Colts rally, as there was nothing left to do.  We were desperate, and took many Jäger Bombs, it was a superb effort on our part. They won! We willed them to win; I got my gift back, and realized other people like my little brother may have it too.  This was one of the biggest comebacks ever In NFL history, and we were a part of it! Fandom bitches (hey bitch means female dog…it’s a womanly thing aka Hustlin Bob Higgins).

In 2006, we were on top of our game with the fandom, I am talking jerseys, decorations, a touchdown dance, Jäger Bombs, but most importantly parties. A bunch of people like us were gathering and using our fandom as one, like Voltron. Everybody began to buy into this fandom idea, and once again it worked…The Indianapolis Colts were Superbowl champions! I used all my energy in fandom for the 2006 AFC championship game, it was very rewarding. Screw you Patriots.

In 2007, I was in Tampa for business, and I was watching the Colts at a local sports bar. They were playing the Texans, and once again found themselves behind, with virtually no chance of winning.  My brother lives in Tampa so he happened to be experiencing this with me. Much like the Batman symbol in the sky or the Thunder Cat’s symbol, or even the Bill Hustle siren, we felt our Fandom was needed.  We did what any good fan would do…we created a special shot, a weapon if you will. We were by ourselves in an unfamiliar city with unfamiliar fans, most of them rooting for other teams, what I would call a fandom convention. The shot is called “believe in blue” and it works as the Colts won in an unbelievable way.  The other patrons at the bar saw this act of fandom and began ordering shots for their team. A guy had the bartender make a green shot for the Eagles, and so on. I would have called the Eagles shot a “soar like an Eagle.”

This pre-season I have been doing everything very methodically in preparation for the upcoming regular season, I even bought some Colts Zumba pants, because I have to make up for last season (watch out ladies). A fellow hustler named Bill Hustle, introduced me to a new idea for hamburgers.  It’s a bleu cheese burger, with the cheese mixed in and not on the top. It is delicious and I dubbed it “The Believe in Bleu Burger.” I have perfected the burger, and have made them for each pre-season game thus far, and they will be a staple for the season, among with touchdown shots, my Colts glass, and my shrine above my TV.  I have a ritual every Sunday, it’s my fandom.  I challenge everybody’s fandom this football season. Do something for your team, Miami fans make some Ricky Williams “pot” roast, and Lions fans take the bag off your head and believe. Patriots fans just leave. It’s football season!

Believe in Bleu Burger

-2 pounds ground beef
-1cup bleu cheese crumbles
-1 half cup chopped onions
-1 half up real bacon bits
-2 tablespoons olive oil
-2 tablespoons garlic powder

Put all that stuff in a bowl, mix it up with your hands, and patty it. Then throw the patties on the grill, makes about 8 burgers. The bleu cheese cooks right in and they are soooo good. You will be the envy of everyone, and they will probably get you laid.

Believe in Blue Shot

-one part silver spiced rum
-one part Blue Curacao
-one part pineapple juice

Mix all these together in a shaker with ice, pour into a hard rocks glass, and enjoy.

Happy football season

Hurley Hustles