It’s good to be back in civilization. You may have noticed I took last week off. However, some of you probably did not. That’ s alright, because I’ m not asking you to like me, I’m just asking that you listen to my advice and take it with a grain of salt. Last week, I found myself stranded in Boise, ID on an emergency business trip for a job that I hate. Actually, hate is such a strong word, let’ s just say dislike. I dislike my 8-5 job. Most people do. If I could write articles like this one all week, and get paid to do it, this is what I would do. Maybe it will happen, maybe it won’t. So there I was, trapped in Boise, no laptop, and staying in some dingy motel that smelled like a litter box.

I’m guessing that’s how some of you feel after the first 6 weeks of the football season. You haven’t won a single game, and your team is full of busts. You’re probably hoping that I offer some sage advice here, some miracle plan to cure your teams ineptitude. Sorry, I can not. If you are 0-6, you can basically check out for the rest of the season.

There’s not much more you can do. Trades are done, and the waiver wire has been picked over like a blue light special at KMART (off topic, do they still do the blue light special?). The best advice I can give you? Do what I did in Boise, drown your sorrows in your beverage of choice, and patiently wait to get the heck out of there. And while you wait, maybe you’ ll get lucky like I did and find a couple cute Boise girls to wallow in your sorrows with you.

Heists of the Week

Sam Bradford, QB, STL- I wrote about him back in week 5, but most of you still haven’t gotten the hint. Yes, I know that his #1 receiver is out, but that shouldn’t stop him from averaging 250 yards & 1-2 TD’s the rest of the way. Pick him up now, and thank me later.

Matthew Stafford, QB, DET – Look who’s back in the starting line-up? And guess what, if Shaun Hill can put up decent fantasy numbers with this supporting cast, Stafford should do that and more. Let’ s run off the checklist

Shifty, Quick RB – J. Best, CHECK

Megatron WR – C. Johnson, CHECK

Possession WR – N. Burleson, CHECK

Two Pass Catching TE’s – Scheffler & Pettigrew, CHECK

Yes, they still are the Lions, but there is NO reason why they cannot score points with the top teams in the league.

Marshawn Lynch, RB, SEA – Gone in 80% of leagues out there, but if he’s available in yours, pick him up. He is the #1 back in Seattle, and should get the bulk of the carries moving forward.

Brandon Jacobs, RB, NYG – Someone is back from the doghouse in NY. I have a tough time saying which back

I would rather have, Jacobs or Bradshaw. I am giving the slight edge right now to Bradshaw, just due to the fact that he’s done it all year, and has long TD capability. But if you need a running back that has a good chance of vulturing some TD’s near the goal line, Jacobs is your guy.

Deion Branch, WR, NE – Lesson learned, Mr. Branch, the grass is not always greener on the other side. Reconnecting with Tom Brady makes Branch relevant again, and the go to guy in NE with Moss gone. Pick him up before other teams catch on.

Cement Shoe Guys (Guys ranked low who could surprise this week)

Brett Favre, QB, M N – Most experts have him ranked outside the top ten of QB’s this week, and I can see their point, he has not looked like the old gunslinger from last year. But there are two very important intangibles at play this weekend: Favre still has the need to show the Pack that he’s a great QB, and Randy Moss always lights up the Packers. Put those two together, and I think you have a very explosive situation.

Chris Ivory, RB, NO – Chris Who? That’s what I said, then I say him play the past couple weeks, and the kid has some decent running moves. Plus, they play the Browns this week, terrible defense.

Johnny Knox, WR, CHI – It seems like every week, I have him on this list. Why, because he has to have a huge game sometime this year. He’s got too much speed to be kept in check all year long.

KC Defense – Yet another pick I will pound into your fantasy football skulls by the end of the year. Young, hungry defense playing balls out. They play Jacksonville this week, probably without their QB. Put them in your starting line-up.

With that, I wish you good luck this week, and remember, follow my advise, and you will be gettin paid, and hopefully, gettin laid. Take it easy.

Tony Soprano