Well, Jack is at it again and I blame it on his buddy, Harry Potter. It all started when Jill stood him up at the Ihop. You see, Jack was a tad bit buzzed on Bud when Jill and him were to meet for a leisurely breakfast at his favorite place, the Ihop.

Jack started something he never should have. Imagine that. This is the story of Jack, jacking around with his pot smoking buddy Harry Potter.

Harry and Jill always experimented with hemp with the silent help of their neighbor, Herb. So, as Jack was awaiting Jill’s arrival for breakfast, he had to use the pot. But Harry got tired of his name being used in vain. Harry’s hobby was pottery, a name close to his own last name but he just dealt with it.

At the Ihop, Jack would order his meal but would always add his absolute tastiest side, hashish browns. That gave the dork an idea. Yeah, buddy, he went to a local big box store, walked all the aisles and finally discovered he can make his own hash browns at home. So, Jack and Harry purchased several bags of Miracle Grow potting soil.

Harry too, was thinking about his pottery and wanted something to keep it together in case Jack and Jill started to bouncing the bed springs and would possibly crack his clay. So, in the hardwood department, he found joint compound. I don’t know what it was doing in that section of the store but since his clay was on crack, he thought the joint compound would seal the deal for what ever that was supposed to mean.

When Jack was off and running home to use the pot, he remembered it was time to mow the yard, or how Jill would say, “cut the grass”. He always was complimenting Harry on his grass and how it was greener on the other side of the fence. Jack seemed to just be able to grow weed so strong, not even Weed Be Gone could smoke it out. I personally think it’s in the potting soil. That has to be where it all stems from.

All this laboring in weeding out the tears in his garden he refers to as a yard, made him hungry. So he invites his friends over for a marijuana roast. Actually, Pot Roast, but he liked the sound of the generic name better. And speaking of Pot Roast, guess what Harry Potter found in Jack’s cupboards? More pot and some pans to cook the roast in. So, it was now time he called Jill and asked he to invite her friends, the Doobie Brothers, over.

So, with pot holders in hand, the Marijuana Brothers come zig zagging across the street fresh off their latest tour. But what got my hustling mind wondering was what were they doing by hauling dead amputee roaches over? Dead or alive, it still ain’t good. Well, Donald explained they were for medical research in California. It seems they were just using the legs as roach clips. Wow. Go, Johnny go.

Jack also kept pot in his bathroom, which was used for a different purposes. Self explanatory, I gather. While fresh Pot Roast was a strewing, they all sat down and watched as the Three Stooges was on. By that time they didn’t care Mick Jagger or Keith Richards got stoned. All they know is Moe, Larry and Shemp (who had dropped the ‘S’ so he could joint up with the party. Sharon, their close neighbor from wherever, was also getting stoned. She actually changed her last name from Sharon Osborn, to Sharon Stone.

On the radio was Bob Dylan singing “Everybody, Lets Get Stoned”, Sharon Stone Instantly became everybody’s favorite heart of stone. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. They all did, but not until after Jill and her kissing cousin, Mr. Potato Head, went back to the Chelsea drug store and picked up some Herbal Essence so they wouldn’t smell like pot heads up close.

Because when Jack’s off the clock doing nothing, he thinks with his top head. And top, spelled backwards, is Pot. And this place has gone to pot. And Jack hit the jack pot of gold, so he, Jill and Harry all headed down to the store to get some pot pies. On the way, Jack hit a pot hole but it was empty and he was dissapointed.He figures what might have been in there is well on it’s way to China so they can get high up in life.

He just continued drinking his Bud and smoking his bud. After a while, it was all the same to him and Harry. Jack was living the highlife redeye express of the good, the bud and the ugly. He just hopes none get arested for having hash browns in their possesion. They are hard stuffing into a pipe, however, especially with ketchup. Now, it’s high time I stop teling you so much because Jack, I’m sure, will be back soon. He’s been on a Rocky Mountain High for a week.

By Hustlin Bob Higgins