Back, by unpopular demand, is the man. Hustlin’ Bob Higgins with more stupid funny expressions, hot on the heels of last year’s Funny Expressions and Funny Expressions Too. That’s right.

This time we are talking about such things like the well known Samsung TV’s and appliances. I mean look at it. ‘Sam sung’. What did Sam sing? I always hear about Samsung, but I never know what the hell Samsung sang or what song Samsung sung. ‘Hey, I got to get a Sam sung song”. People look at you trying to figure out what kind of drug test you need for saying that. Think about it and say it.
There is Sam Cooke, the singer John Mellencamp mentions in his “Ain’t Even Done With The Night” song. It could be, or maybe I am thinking to ‘hard’ into it.

Next up, we have a dog and bus with the same name. We’d be driving and the driver asks me to look out my passenger side window and see if anybody is coming. I say “no, nothing but that Greyhound”. So, he thought it was ok to pull out, when all of a sudden, SMACK!!! He hits a Greyhound bus and I told him, he just didn’t listen. Well, he didn’t specify. I told him it was a Greyhound but he didn’t ask me if it was a dog or bus. The two are always getting mixed up. It’s like a toy poodle. You won’t find one of these at your local department store. Nope. Only at pet shops. But, when they poop, that shit aint no dang toy. That is the real stuff.

How about a Toyota? I love the Star Wars series and would love to have a life size replica of a toy Yoda. But by luck, I would get a Camry and I would love to have one. They’re great cars but Star Wars was a great movie with Yoda. So Toyota can be taken two different ways because only my wacky mind can come up with something that weird.

It’s the same thing as why we Hoosiers have hard water. It’s because it is laced with Viagra. That is what I use to keep both my computer and pants up. I don’t know what to blame my stiff neck on, however. “Hey, ya all, I must be on Viagra because I’m working hard today”. I keep a stiff upper lip though thanks to the salve version.

And something I always wanted was a slow cooker. That was about the time I married my wife. If she cooked any slower, I would starve to death. When I said a slow cooker, I didn’t literally mean start fixing me breakfast before my next birthday. I’m so misunderstood. So then I asked for a crock pot to make myself more clear. She went and got her friend recently released from the coo-coo’s nest. Hey, I tried. I did get the pot however, so, crack pot crock pot, it’s all good dog.

It’s like going to a local hardware store to get joint compound. What’s it for you ask? It’s for those heavy pot smokers who’s joint fell apart way before it’s time. If it breaks, the compound fixes it up. That’s the neat thing about America. There is something for everything almost. Look at potting soil. What do you imagine it’s purpose is? For that matter, does a dolphin have a purpose?

We even have cars named after a famous quartet. The Beatles. There is a car called a Beetle, as in Beetle Baily? No, but still a beatle. “Hey, ya all, look again, I am driving Paul and Ringo around like crazy. And we’re both burning rubber”. This can be the same as dachshund puppies. It’s not every day you can hop on a dog, fill it up with gas, and drive off. But you can drive a dachshund and (ding) save. Now, if that car was stolen, would it then be a “hot dog”?

Here is a most used word by many consenting adults. Where did the word “Pussy” derive from? Every man (and some women) love pussy. I have two pussy’s in the Hustlin’ Higgins household. But another term for pussy is a cat. A pussy cat. Who wants to eat a 4 legged cat, when you can eat a 2 legged feline instead? Me.

Where is the world did it start involving women? What does a cat have in common with a female? “Hey ya all, again, I’m going out to get pussy, and he goes straight to a pet shop instead of a strip mall and brings home a long hair pussy cat. Hookers hang at strip malls don’t they?

Why can’t the same be applied with puppies? “Hey baby, nice puppies you have” as he is looking at a fine looking lady walking her two little dogs. We don’t talk about going out to get some puppies as much as we do getting pussy. Of course I mean cats. We do like looking at them though. Animal names for body parts. Like, “he’s hung like a horse”. I can relate.

How about another expression? Ginger snaps. It’s a snack. Or is something about Ginger’s personality when she don’t get none? Ginger snaps when she doesn’t get her way, so give the chic her way. Maybe instead of being on the highway and being seen more, she took the low way to stay low. Therefore, she won’t cause such a scene.

By Hustlin Bob Higgins